Temperance & How I Read Tarot

Lately, I have been struggling with balance.
A few days from now will be the one year anniversary of moving into our home. My boyfriend, my two kitties, and I, live in a tiny house that is currently kind of a mess.
In that year, I don’t feel like I have learned to adult any better. There are dishes in the sink, and pieces of cardboard all over living room (the cats tear up boxes), clothes all over the bedroom, and towels on the bathroom floor. I haven’t raked the leaves up outside, and there’s actually a dead wreath from last Christmas leaning against my house.
Sometimes, I feel like such a failure at this adult world. How do I balance a full time job, loving my boyfriend and cats, spending time with my friends, and hobbies? As usual, I turn to my tarot cards for help.
When I first started reading tarot, I did it by the book.
DMT - Temperance
Literally, I would take out that little book that came with the cards, and follow all of the instructions. I would shuffle the cards, fan them out, and hover my left hand over the deck, waiting until a card called to me. It never did, so eventually I would just grab cards, lay them out in a spread, and then flip them over one by one, interpreting them as I went.

I currently read tarot with a much more flexible approach.

I start by I getting a snack, lighting a candle, and then I journal. I write down what is on my mind, typically something that’s bothering me. Today, it’s how to balance all of this, and end up with a healthy body, thriving mind, and content soul.
With a hot cocoa from Starbucks, I sat down with my tarot journal and wrote. “It’s been a year since we’ve moved in. I spent a month of that year unemployed, and the house was really clean during that month. Now, I am working full time, and trying to balance that and a clean house and having fun. Last week I had a panic attack. What can I do to pull all of this together?”
After sorting through my thoughts, and identifying what I am truly worried about, I pull out my cards and I chat with them. Shuffling the cards and telling them my worries just takes away my anxieties. It sort of makes me feel more in control, like I am finally doing something about it.
This time, I actually pulled out a significator card.
Typically, a significator card is chosen to add a more personal element to the reading, and to symbolize the person asking for the reading. However, I almost never use them that way.
I pulled out Temperance to symbolize the theme of the reading, and to focus myself on seeking balance. I actually chose my deck today based on which deck contains my favorite temperance card.

I asked four questions:

What part of my life needs the most work?

What can I do to pull my life together and find that balance?

What are of my life is doing well?

What can I do to create a healthy body, thriving mind, and content soul?

What part of my life needs the most work?

I pulled Judgement, who’s keywords are “renewal, discover, transition, and rebirth”. This storm brings a light. It reminds me of the quote by Louisa May Alcott, “I’m not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship”. Taking control of my own life and learning how to have confidence in my decisions and how I am steering my ship will help me bring balance to my life, by helping me prioritize what I truly want out of it.

What can I do to pull my life together and find balance?

I pulled Ace of Arrows, and Lovers. The keywords for Ace of Arrows are “creativity, beginnings, passion, and inspiration”. Part of finding balance is following my own heart and doing what makes me happiest. However, I also pulled the lovers, who’s keywords are “love, relationships, trust, and values”. I need to focus on the needs of those I love as well as my own, and find a way to balance the two.
What part of my life is going well?
I pulled the Seven of Stones, which represents “accomplishments, recognition, assessment, and patience”. I am so happy this card came up when I asked this question, because I have been working really hard to not get overwhelmed with the huge list of tasks in front of me, which ranges from the immediate “clean the litter box”, to the farther away “get a job that pays great, rock at it, and also buy a house”. Thinking about what I need to do to get where I want to be is simply terrifying. I have been trying instead to focus on taking baby steps, and feeling accomplished for each step I take closer to my goals, rather than feeling overwhelmed by how far away my goals seem.
What should I focus on to create a healthy body, thriving mind, and content soul?
To create a healthy body, I pulled the King of Stones. He is “knowledgeable, stable, practical, and successful”. So I should just keep working out, doing my best, and working steadily towards my healthy body goals until I am successful. For a thriving mind, I pulled the Tower. Not a great card, and at first I was stumped by “disaster, shock, destruction, and chaos”. But when I thought about it, I realized it meant that my mind needs challenges, and difficult things to mull over, in order to thrive. This too will build confidence. Finally, the Knight of Arrows tells me how to get to a content soul. The Knight is “adventurous, flamboyant, confident, and passionate”. Best stated by the decks booklet, I need to “know who [I am] and love it!” Be myself, and it will bring me peace.
This reading did help me feel a little bit more at peace, and took away some of that anxiety. It gave me something to focus on. Tonight, I will do some yoga, love on my boyfriend a little bit, and try to make my decisions confidently.

~ Miss Tilney*

Miss Tilney has pursued her own venture! Please follow her Instagram for readings.
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Maven Musings: Authenticity and Spirituality

Thanks to the gift of the internet, it is easier than ever for people to act as if they’re heavily invested in a certain interest.
While I try to believe that most people truly show all of themselves – it isn’t lost on me that most only try to show the “perfect” parts.  Which is fair, who wants to share their pain with strangers?
The concept of “Authenticity” has been rolling around in my head all week. How do you communicate a soul shifting journey with strangers? Especially when you can barely conceptualize what it happening privately?

The fear and anxiety has been closing in on me.

I am not interesting.
Just stop trying.

What’s the point?

How dare you call yourself a witch.

How. Dare. You.

My anxiety has so many nice things to say.  It’s just lovely.

I’m late this week because of those anxieties.  It has been so long since I was in a situation where I felt unsure.  Its rare that I step outside my comfort zone.
I’m a “throw caution to the wind in situations you can control” kind of woman.  Always down for an adventure as long it doesn’t push the envelope too far. Always say “yes” if you can 100% back out.

I am afraid of people and spaces that I cannot control.

I’ve had a bit of a small-baby awakening this week addressing this exact problem of mine.
MavenMusings - Authenticity and Spirituality
If you follow MM on instagram, you know that this past weekend we shared  a booth with the always awesome Unicorn Collective* at the Denver Pagan Pride Festival.
I was making myself sick over the idea of having to share my writing and plans with complete strangers.  I can barely talk about it with people I know love and support me.

But something happened while we were there.

I didn’t shut up all day.

We met people that practically jumped up and down at the idea of this whole thing.

I overcame my fear and anxiety because I stepped out of my comfort zone. 

What a concept.

But even with that success, fear sat quietly in the back of my mind. It let me have my #bossbabe moment before it came swooping back in.
I still felt like a fake – a victim of “impostor syndrome”.  I truly fear that my path comes off as insincere because I am so new to the craft.  I have never pursued spirituality before – I just knew I wasn’t religious.

I’ve been avoiding writing about the emotional side of my journey.

 I  frequently avoid uncomfortable emotions until they bubble up and take over.

It is a terrible habit.

But there was a moment today (after wallowing in not knowing what to write) where I realized where I feel most in my power.

Thank you Universe for the wake up.

***

My power is in being a woman taking the reins and finding her way.

It is in fiercely supporting the people I care for and love.

I truly just want people to happy and healthy.

I can only hope that that is the energy that I put out in the universe.

***

And you can take that at face value or not. Either way, I will still send you love and hope you find the people you resonate with – the people that make you feel on fire, capable of anything and everything.
Spirituality and paganism for me is about rediscovering myself and reclaiming myself.  It’s appreciating every moment and loving myself and falling in love with my husband every day.
So – this is a fair warning to all that I’m going to be sharing some unpleasant thoughts and experiences moving forward.  I need to face and address them if I am going to grow.

Love & light, mavens.

 

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